Behind the Veil: Our obsession with sexy

It all started when I went dress shopping. It was almost Mid-May, the days were getting hotter and I wanted some nice Summer dresses to wear to keep cool during the next couple of months. I headed to the mall to check out the usual women’s retail stores. I stepped into Forever 21 after seeing their bright colorful display and sign advertising summer attire.

Wearing a hijab sometimes makes it difficult to find clothing tailored to suit my needs. However I usually have no problem layering outfits to customize them to my taste.

After walking around the entire store for half an hour to no avail, I finally approached a sales rep for assistance, “Excuse me, can you help me find some longer dresses?” My inquiry was met with a chirpy, “Sure!” and she led me around the store, color coordinated section by color coordinated section searching for dresses.

Each time we came across a dress, she would pull it off the rack, hold it up to herself and ask for my approval. About 97% of the dresses we found barely covered mid-thigh. After 36 dresses—yes, I was counting—we found one that was knee-length, but still, not long enough for me. The sales clerk began to look a little exasperated. Finally, we located a small rack at the back end of the store that had four maxi-style dresses that were full length. The fact that they were in garish, gaudy colors and prints is besides the point. The more important issue is what the sales girl said to me while I was examining the horrid prints, “You could try this one” She said, while holding up a cheetah print mini, “it would go great with any type of accessories.”

“I’m sorry” I replied, “I don’t wear anything that isn’t full length.”

“But it’s so sexy!” She said with a smile, “It would look great on you!”

“But I don’t want to be sexy,” I responded without even thinking.

“Why..” She began, but then stopped mid-sentence. She shook her head as if she couldn’t grasp what was wrong with me.

There was an awkward pause between us, then she hung the dresses back on the rack, smiled at me, and left.

I stood there for a long while thinking about what had just happened.

I left the store without purchasing anything and thought about what I said to the sales rep on my drive back home. It was true, I did not want to be sexy, at least not for everyone else to see. I resented that I was made to feel weird for not wanting to be a sexual object, and what is our obsession with oozing sex appeal 24/7 anyway? Why must I look sexy for everyone? And why must one look sexy all the time? What is so wrong with looking modest, or decent, or presentable without the sex factor?

A few days later, I was waiting to pick up my brother in my car in front of his school. A parade of middle school children walked past my car to their rides. I had my windows rolled down and I was overhearing tons of conversation. One particular conversation caught my attention, four young girls were speaking animatedly describing outfits they had bought on their shopping trips over the weekend. One girl was gesturing while describing her purchases, “It’s a strapless and it’s cute and short, and I got a blue headband to match it,” she described, illustrating the dress with her hands for her friend. Her friends were all entranced with her description, “That sounds so sexy!” her friend chimed in.

I wondered for a moment, why her friend hadn’t chosen the world “pretty”, or “beautiful” to describe her friend’s dress. Since when did these words get replaced with a variation of the word sex? And of even greater concern, these girls were only in 6th or 7th grade, why were they concerned with sex appeal at age 11?

The girl smiled at her friends compliment, “Yeah, I know!” she said excitedly, and began describing the other things she had bought.

I thought about the dress she had described and it reminded me of my own shopping trip this past weekend. Her description matched all the dresses I had seen, and I understood why her friend chose to compliment with the word “sexy,” it’s because it matched the outfits perfectly. Those outfits were not designed to make a woman look beautiful, or pretty, or lovely, they were designed to make you exude sex appeal and leave little to the imagination.

The conversation taking place between the middle school girls was simply a reflection of our society. A mirror showing us what values we are teaching our future generations. We are teaching our daughters and younger sisters that it is important to be sexual at all times with everything they do, the way they act, the way the dress, and what they say. And it’s no surprise that they are picking up these ideals. Just take a look at the type of women we glorify in our society, Kim Kardashian, for example, whose only claim to fame was the release of her sex tape with an ex-boyfriend, or Paris Hilton, who surprisingly also had a sex tape with an ex-boyfriend. We plaster images of these women in magazines, or on Yahoo’s front page, forcing people to see what they are doing, and what they are wearing at all times. We give these women the limelight, it’s no wonder that the next generation of females is following in their footsteps.

Change comes one person at a time, and I am determined to break this “sexy” cycle by complimenting more women by telling them that they are “beautiful” or “pretty” instead of “hot” or “sexy.” I am starting a beautiful revolution. Justin Timberlake might have brought sexy back, but I’m bringing beautiful back.

BTV: Lack of Sharia Compliant Financial Aid Leaves Many Muslim Students Frustrated

Ask any grad student how they are paying for tuition, and most of them will tell you they have some type of student loan. While this is not a problem for most students, it’s one of the biggest struggles some Muslim students face in their lifetime.

Islam, like all other Abrahamic religions, forbids engaging in interest bearing transactions, regardless of rate.

“It’s the biggest sin you can commit behind shirk (associating partners with God) and a few others, and for the mass majority of Muslims in America it’s the only way to get an education, I would call that a pretty big problem,” says Arsalan Siddiqui, a 23-year-old med student at Saint Louis University School of Medicine.

When it comes to funding their education, many Muslim students just bite the bullet and take interest bearing loans, some change their field of education to something that is less expensive, and others defer enrollment and work to save up money for their tuition. Unfortunately, the latter group rarely pulls through enough money to cover the expenses of more lucrative graduate degrees such as law and medicine, since tuition in those fields is close to upwards of $100,000 and getting higher every year, if not every semester.

“To be honest I think it is everyone’s responsibility, the responsibility of both those who need the money and those who have the means to lend the money. As with every problem in the Ummah (global Muslim community) I think it’s everyone’s [every Muslim’s] responsibility to think about it and do something about it,” says 28 year old Shanila Faghfoor, currently working at a pharmaceutical company and planning to pursue a master’s in public health. “I do think it’s going to be complicated and will take effort and hard work, but at the same time I do think it is possible to be accomplished. The need is certainly there, we just need to put our brains together and come up with some concrete solutions.”

Dr. Ahmad Sakr, president of the Foundation for Islamic Knowledge and director of the Islamic Education Center in Walnut, California, has a different view on the issue.

“In Islam the Calipha (Islamic state) government is legally obliged to educate everybody free of charge, however, since we do not live under such a government the only alternative for some students is grants and loans but unfortunately over 95% of our students have to take loans.”

This is a minority opinion which Dr. Sakr says stems from “Ad daruraat- to be al mahzoorat” which loosely translates to “necessities make things halal (permissible) for anything prohibited.”

Many Muslim scholars disagree with this opinion and state that taking such loans should be avoided as much as possible, if not avoided completely. Dr. Sakr emphasizes that there is a difference between interest and riba (usury), “riba is exploitation. Interest at 5% or 10% that is not usury that is interest, interest is where you benefit, riba is usury and exploitation and that is important to remember the difference.” Other scholars argue that there is no difference between the two.

For those students who try to adhere strictly to their faith, there are currently little to no options.

“As far as viable solutions go,” says Faghfoor, “the easiest would be to ask Muslim’s in your community who can give you a loan, but that’s where the hurdle is, there needs to be a system where that can be done without complications, or even better, help from the schools.”

Siddiqui agrees that the road to a solution is difficult, but not impossible, “the true spirit of Islamic banking is in equity, so with the cooperation of Islamic banks they could invest in students just like people invest in real estate, and you can set up a system of reliability, almost like a credit score based off of an equation made with a student’s grades and success rate. It’s all doable.”

Siddiqui also believes that if Muslim students start approaching their school’s administration, they can begin finding solutions for themselves. “I joined my schools financial aid advisory board to let my issues be heard. Schools need to be made aware of what their students are going through.”

If school’s financial aid departments start giving alternatives to the way Muslim students can pay their tuition, the problem is as good as solved.

“The school could allow the student to defer payment and just pay a much higher amount later on and, that way the school doesn’t lose any money and that’s not riba (usury) because it is an agreed payment, it’s not a fee or a penalty,” he says. “You just give people two different payment options on their application and one is more expensive, Muslim students can opt for that and that’s a choice they are making, it would be compliant with our religious requirements.”

“The conversation for this should have started a long time ago,” says Faghfoor, “it’s not that hard to have a halal loan system if everyone has the right mindset and when that’s the only thing keeping you from what your education, that gives you a helpless frustration.”

Siddiqui emphatically agrees, “We [Muslim’s] have been here for at least 3 to 4 decades, there is no shortage of Muslims in higher education. Muslims have gone through med school and law school in every generation, we have doctors, engineers and lawyers from every generation, almost all of us have some type of college education, and we’ve all faced it. You either chose to ignore this problem or found your own temporary solutions and did not care about the guy coming after you. If a single person over the last 3 or 4 decades had given a damn about this, I would not be going through this myself right now.”

For those Muslim students who care about this aspect of their education, this is a very frustrating situation to be in. A viable solution is not very difficult to attain, it just requires time, dedication, and concern from the community. The lack of a solution can be directly attributed to the lack of care and concern in the local Muslim American community.

Faghfoor agrees, “What it will take from our generation will be to let go of our cultural baggage and our egos and do this for ourselves, for Allah and for our future generations, hopefully they won’t even have to think about taking a loan that’s not halal.”

Behind the Veil: Mukhtar Mai gets married

Mukhtaran Bibi, better known as “Mukhtar Mai,” made international headlines in 2002 after story of her gang rape became public. Mukhtar was not the first and unfortunately will not be the last woman to suffer such a fate; however what set her apart from other victims was her courage in fighting back. Mukhtar took all 6 of her aggressors to court – they were sentenced to death by a lower court however their case is now pending in Pakistan’s Supreme Court. Mukhtar’s bold and brave actions gave hope to rape victims all over the world. Since then Mukhtar has led a campaign to empower women, in 2005 she won Glamour Magazine’s Woman of the Year award and in 2006 she was invited to speak at the United Nations. She has since been a symbol of enduring strength for women’s rights, at least until now.

On March 15, 2009, Mukhtar married her ex-body guard Nasir Gabol. Under any other circumstances, this would be good news as rape victims in Pakistan mostly commit suicide and most never get married. Mukhtar’s husband however, was already married at the time he proposed. But Mukhtar says she married on “humanitarian grounds.”

When Gabol first proposed, Mukhtar refused because she did not want to ruin the first wife’s life.  Gabol then threatened to divorce his first wife. In retaliation, Gabol’s two sisters, who were married to his wife’s brothers, were also threatened with divorce. Gabol threatened to commit suicide leading his wife and two sisters to plead with Mukhtar to marry him. Mukhtar finally accepted the proposal to save three marriages from being torn apart. Some say that Mukhtar has taken another bold step to encourage rape victims to continue on with their lives and has committed a heroic act in saving the marital lives of three women with her sacrifice.  Others say the brave Mukhtar has taken a step backward in the fight for women’s rights in Pakistan.

Mukhtar sees herself as a peacemaker and before marriage, she made demands. Mukhtar required that Gabol transfer ownership of his ancestral home to his first wife and purchase her a plot of land in addition to monthly stipends that he is to pay of around $125. She also has refused to move in with him but he may visit her where she lives with her family whenever he wishes.

I really wish Mukhtar would have been able to achieve the “happily ever after” that all girls dream of. In an ideal world, Gabols first wife would have had the societal and financial means to leave her husband and Mukhtar would never have married this nutcase. In Mukhtar’s world however,  that is not the case. Her story makes me admire how far she has brought the struggle for women in Pakistan but makes me realize how much further we still have to go.

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Credit: Maheen Siddiqi, a 23-year-old Southern California native and a recent Cal State University, Fullerton graduate with a B.A. in Political Science and a minor in Human Communication Studies. Her passions are law, politics and social commentary. Contact her at Maheen AT minoritydreams DOT com.

Behind the Veil: A Little Sisterly Love

A comedian like Chris Rock is not someone I generally look up to for respectable social commentary but watching his Never Scared video struck a chord with me. A few of his words kept echoing and it got to the point where I couldn’t enjoy the rest of his performance. I went back to the scene that had caused my brooding mood.

“You would think women would rule the world, but they don’t, they don’t, you know why?” he asked. “Because women hate women.”

I thought about what he said for the rest of the night. Why do women hate women? Why are women so critical of each other?

I know that this does not ring true for all women but it does for many of us. The more I talked to others about this, the more I realized that many females have either been victims of or are mean girls. The media swamps us with examples of this. Shows like Gossip Girl, America’s Next Top Model and even a movie, appropriately named Mean Girls, follow the phenomenon of the competitiveness and downright rude behavior many females exhibit towards each other.

Alia Khan, a 26-year-old student at Cal Poly Pomona, found that this behavior did not get left behind at school. In fact, it followed her even to the workplace.

“It stems from insecurity, and some women never grow out of it,” said Khan, who is currently pursuing her teaching credentials. “Whether it’s good grades, getting invited to a party or a promotion, it’s just a fact that some women can’t seem to be happy for other women.”

Technology seems to have added another tool in the arsenal of mean girls and has taken this catty behavior to a whole different level.

Another female, who wished to remain anonymous, agrees, but for all the wrong reasons.

“Sometimes you just need a release from being so nice all the time and sometimes the best way to achieve that is to make fun of people online until they cry,” she said.

Social networking sites such as MySpace, Facebook and now Twitter have given these mean girls the ability to bully from a distance by instant messaging and texting and often with complete anonymity.

“It’s so easy to make a fake account and just vent how you really feel about that person and then just deactivate it once you get it off your chest,” she continued.

Khan believes that these girls simply lack confidence.

“When you’re secure and happy with yourself, you want other people to be happy too but if you are constantly insecure and unsatisfied, you are going to take that out on other people,” she said. “It just comes full circle and I think it happens more with women because women just tend to be more jealous than men.”

Khan agree that the societal approval of this behavior stem from the media.

“On reality TV shows, specifically my guilty pleasure, America’s Next Top Model, I’ve noticed [those] that rank the highest are the ones where women fight and compete the most and there’s more drama and tension between them,” Khan said. “I think this shows that there is an underlying encouragement in society for women to behave this way, it says, ‘it’s okay to act like this and we’ll glorify the one who comes out on top’.”

She considers this to be disturbing behavior that requires more awareness among women.  “Sometimes we don’t even realize we are acting this way,” she said.

From a BTV perspective, I have often observed many girls who wear the hijab looking down at or avoiding girls who choose not to wear a veil. However, I have also seen non-hijab wearing girls shunning hijabi’s from their social circle.

Whether a woman wears a hijab or not, the fact is that this is a major female problem. Female bullying has led to many women skipping or dropping out of school, quitting their jobs and even suicide. So I’ll end with this plea for more social awareness of this issue; if you see a woman bullying a fellow female, feel free to step in and tell her to chill.

Peace and sisterly love.

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Credit: Maheen Siddiqi, a 23-year-old Southern California native and a recent Cal State University, Fullerton graduate with a B.A. in Political Science and a minor in Human Communication Studies. Her passions are law, politics and social commentary.

Behind the Veil: The Voodoo Hijab

Here are a few questions I have been asked by classmates, professors and strangers regarding my hijab:

“So, what does this blue one mean?” “Do they have different purposes like summoning rain?” “Do you wear the red one while you are having your period?”

I enjoy satisfying a person’s general curiosity but I have often walked away from such encounters feeling like a voodoo witch doctor due to all of the powers people’s imaginations tend to associate with my attire.

The truth is, hijabi’s like to match their outfits and dress up just like our non-hijab wearing peers. The varying swirly patterns, flowers and colors I don everyday are simply meant to satisfy my own narcissism.

Wearing a red colored scarf, aside from fulfilling my religious duty, serves no higher purpose than to match my red purse. If I’m wearing a brown one it probably just goes well with my shoes. The black hijab is what I default to because it matches with everything and I throw it on when I’m in a rush to get out of the house.

Since these questions humor me, I often used to come off very sarcastic while answering them, but this often ends up generating more confusion, so I have ceased to do so.

My general answer nowadays consists of thanking them for mistaking me for someone who might possess superhuman powers and then explaining the shallowness of my color choice for my hijab that day.

Balancing hijab and fashion is quite a struggle, especially for someone who is fashion challenged like myself, however it’s fun attempting new styles and colors.

In the words of my (best) friend Beenish: “If everyone is going to stare at me because of what’s on my head, I might as well look good while I’m at it.”

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Credit: Maheen Siddiqi, a 23-year-old Southern California native and a recent Cal State University, Fullerton graduate with a B.A. in Political Science and a minor in Human Communication Studies. Her passions are law, politics and social commentary.

Behind the Veil: Introducing Maheen

As Salaam Alaikum (peace be upon you)

Welcome to Behind The Veil!  BTV is a new blog featured in Minority Dreams Magazine, created to give readers a glimpse of the world from the perspective of a young Muslim woman who sports a veil, a.k.a. hijab. Hijab is the Arabic term for “cover” or “to veil”.

Here you will find stories and commentary from the perspective of a twenty-something hijabi on a range of conventional, non-conventional, and downright crazy topics. My posts will be unique to me, and will not represent every individual who wears hijab.

I began wearing my hijab in my late teens so my experiences on the other side of the hijab are still fresh. I hope to use my familiarity from both sides to bring you new and thought provoking ideas every other week. Please subscribe to the RSS feed and feel free to leave comments or topic suggestions.

Peace.

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Maheen Siddiqi is a 23-year-old Southern California native and a recent Cal State University, Fullerton graduate with a B.A. in Political Science and a minor in Human Communication Studies. Her passions are law, politics and social commentary.