Behind the Veil: Our obsession with sexy

It all started when I went dress shopping. It was almost Mid-May, the days were getting hotter and I wanted some nice Summer dresses to wear to keep cool during the next couple of months. I headed to the mall to check out the usual women’s retail stores. I stepped into Forever 21 after seeing their bright colorful display and sign advertising summer attire.

Wearing a hijab sometimes makes it difficult to find clothing tailored to suit my needs. However I usually have no problem layering outfits to customize them to my taste.

After walking around the entire store for half an hour to no avail, I finally approached a sales rep for assistance, “Excuse me, can you help me find some longer dresses?” My inquiry was met with a chirpy, “Sure!” and she led me around the store, color coordinated section by color coordinated section searching for dresses.

Each time we came across a dress, she would pull it off the rack, hold it up to herself and ask for my approval. About 97% of the dresses we found barely covered mid-thigh. After 36 dresses—yes, I was counting—we found one that was knee-length, but still, not long enough for me. The sales clerk began to look a little exasperated. Finally, we located a small rack at the back end of the store that had four maxi-style dresses that were full length. The fact that they were in garish, gaudy colors and prints is besides the point. The more important issue is what the sales girl said to me while I was examining the horrid prints, “You could try this one” She said, while holding up a cheetah print mini, “it would go great with any type of accessories.”

“I’m sorry” I replied, “I don’t wear anything that isn’t full length.”

“But it’s so sexy!” She said with a smile, “It would look great on you!”

“But I don’t want to be sexy,” I responded without even thinking.

“Why..” She began, but then stopped mid-sentence. She shook her head as if she couldn’t grasp what was wrong with me.

There was an awkward pause between us, then she hung the dresses back on the rack, smiled at me, and left.

I stood there for a long while thinking about what had just happened.

I left the store without purchasing anything and thought about what I said to the sales rep on my drive back home. It was true, I did not want to be sexy, at least not for everyone else to see. I resented that I was made to feel weird for not wanting to be a sexual object, and what is our obsession with oozing sex appeal 24/7 anyway? Why must I look sexy for everyone? And why must one look sexy all the time? What is so wrong with looking modest, or decent, or presentable without the sex factor?

A few days later, I was waiting to pick up my brother in my car in front of his school. A parade of middle school children walked past my car to their rides. I had my windows rolled down and I was overhearing tons of conversation. One particular conversation caught my attention, four young girls were speaking animatedly describing outfits they had bought on their shopping trips over the weekend. One girl was gesturing while describing her purchases, “It’s a strapless and it’s cute and short, and I got a blue headband to match it,” she described, illustrating the dress with her hands for her friend. Her friends were all entranced with her description, “That sounds so sexy!” her friend chimed in.

I wondered for a moment, why her friend hadn’t chosen the world “pretty”, or “beautiful” to describe her friend’s dress. Since when did these words get replaced with a variation of the word sex? And of even greater concern, these girls were only in 6th or 7th grade, why were they concerned with sex appeal at age 11?

The girl smiled at her friends compliment, “Yeah, I know!” she said excitedly, and began describing the other things she had bought.

I thought about the dress she had described and it reminded me of my own shopping trip this past weekend. Her description matched all the dresses I had seen, and I understood why her friend chose to compliment with the word “sexy,” it’s because it matched the outfits perfectly. Those outfits were not designed to make a woman look beautiful, or pretty, or lovely, they were designed to make you exude sex appeal and leave little to the imagination.

The conversation taking place between the middle school girls was simply a reflection of our society. A mirror showing us what values we are teaching our future generations. We are teaching our daughters and younger sisters that it is important to be sexual at all times with everything they do, the way they act, the way the dress, and what they say. And it’s no surprise that they are picking up these ideals. Just take a look at the type of women we glorify in our society, Kim Kardashian, for example, whose only claim to fame was the release of her sex tape with an ex-boyfriend, or Paris Hilton, who surprisingly also had a sex tape with an ex-boyfriend. We plaster images of these women in magazines, or on Yahoo’s front page, forcing people to see what they are doing, and what they are wearing at all times. We give these women the limelight, it’s no wonder that the next generation of females is following in their footsteps.

Change comes one person at a time, and I am determined to break this “sexy” cycle by complimenting more women by telling them that they are “beautiful” or “pretty” instead of “hot” or “sexy.” I am starting a beautiful revolution. Justin Timberlake might have brought sexy back, but I’m bringing beautiful back.